I've spent much of my focus on my root chakra lately. Focusing on allowing old pockets of pain to move out, to experience them from an observer's position and let them flow through me. Some ideas from a book which aren't new just said in a different way that has really made sense for me . Although I was kind of surprised to realize that I have spent much of my time focusing on healing my sacral chakra, and not so much my root, when I'm really beginning to complete the idea that maybe everything perceived/felt/'processed from the physical world must first filter through the root chakra. If that's true, it is extremely important to keep that clear. Not just grounded but clear. Because the energy that flows through that could easily bring up gun with it into our other chakras. This is where our survival instincts are, where our addictions lie and where we feel connected to mother earth. In working on my root chakra so much lately I will say I have begun to feel like I have come to myself again in some regard. Even if I clear the sacral chakra but have avoided the root, reminents from there can flow and get stuck in my sacral, the center of emotions and connections to others. Our root is our connection to self, sacral our connection to others. The old adage, "You have to take care of yourself before you take care of others" applies here.
The driving thought/force behind this particular blog was that with all the work I've been doing lately, I'll say over the last 3 weeks or so specifically focused on the root, last couple months on the core area.... I can feel the emotions releasing. My thought was what have I gotten myself into? My anxiety is high, very high. It seems I am constantly noticing disruptions surfacing and consciously letting them go. I must take 5 really deep breaths a minute, visualizing it running through all chakras and cleansing away what is working its way out. It gets irritating. I'm irritable, and my mood is shifting rapidly sparked my something minor. But I keep doing it. I keep bringing myself outside my comfort zone, moving through the fear. My goal, my job during this time, is to remain seated and grounded in an observer's point of view. Micheal, insert his last name here, says it's just a feeling, it's just something in the universe as a bruise on our body, or a car driving down the street. There is no reason to run from it, to allow it to consume you. It's great work. By far one of the best books I've ever read/listened too (I have it on audiobook.) It's teachings are in perfect time. But it is intense at times, this is why I'm writing this now, sitting next to my window in my favorite room, in my almost favorite chair (it's growing on me) sipping my yogi tea.... because allowing old stuff to surface without consciously and controllingly needing to observe each one and pick it apart can be intense. You've given yourself permission to heal, You've chosen freedom over holding onto something that causes you pain or disruption, grabbing each one as it goes by your psyche on its way out is only slowing the process. I just have to let it come and go. Just breathe, keep breathing.. Spend time alone and be conscious enough to understand that what your feeling right now is very likely NOT related to something happening right now. It's something moving through you from an earlier experience which we chose not to deal with then. It's intense. But I no longer wish to be afraid of the world, I no longer wish to spend valuable energy trying to control and micromanage my life so that I can remain okay. Or other people for that matter. So I continue. I continue allowing myself to open. My focus is to keep myself clear so that experiences can pass through me and I can live my life and love the people in it without throwing my shit onto them.
With Grace & Gratitude...
Showing posts with label Freedom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Freedom. Show all posts
Friday, November 21, 2014
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
Because It Feels So Fucking Good
Sometimes I practice yoga naked.
I mean butt naked. I turn off the lights, light my candles and breathe. I immerse myself bare in yoga music flowing through a series of yoga poses I only choose within the moment. No attachment to routine or outcome or doing it "right"; I just allow my body and breath to lead. This is the ultimate getting-in-touch-with-my-body time. A unique liberation happens here. As if you are naked before God, vulnerable naked. All of you is exposed. Your heart, your mind, your body. How freeing to not feel the confines of cotton, although delicate laid, still limiting. I am left only to feel the lines of energy flowing along their meridians within the invisible layers of who I am. It is only breath and intuition. A free reign they don't get very often. To see with your eyes your body exactly as it is and love it for being so. My body has the markings of a life spent releasing and growing. A beautiful horizon only available within a sacred space such as this.
Become one with your practice, your eightfold path.
With Grace & Gratitude...
I mean butt naked. I turn off the lights, light my candles and breathe. I immerse myself bare in yoga music flowing through a series of yoga poses I only choose within the moment. No attachment to routine or outcome or doing it "right"; I just allow my body and breath to lead. This is the ultimate getting-in-touch-with-my-body time. A unique liberation happens here. As if you are naked before God, vulnerable naked. All of you is exposed. Your heart, your mind, your body. How freeing to not feel the confines of cotton, although delicate laid, still limiting. I am left only to feel the lines of energy flowing along their meridians within the invisible layers of who I am. It is only breath and intuition. A free reign they don't get very often. To see with your eyes your body exactly as it is and love it for being so. My body has the markings of a life spent releasing and growing. A beautiful horizon only available within a sacred space such as this.
Become one with your practice, your eightfold path.
With Grace & Gratitude...
Friday, October 17, 2014
For the Love of Passion
Yoga sounds good right now. Sunday. There is a basic yoga class on Sunday. I'm at Biggby. As much as I love my office space, it's a nice change sometimes. I am without direction at the moment. Few "topics" I'd like to write about, but nothing really tugging at my muse. It's just nice to be here, writing. I admitted my first piece of writing last night to an online distributor of various collections on social media, Thought Catalog. I wrestled with it for a while, which piece would be best? What should the title be? Should I have a pen name? etc. Finally, I let it go. I took a step. I submitted it. It's my most recent piece, based on my feelings surrounding my family dynamics and how I exist within them. I had that brief thought of, what if this hurts someone's feelings? What if my mother? My Aunt? My cousin sees this? But is it a true expression of how I felt? Yes. There will be times in my writing career when people will be discriminatory, critical, and take things personally. Do I allow that to deter me from sharing my passions? No. I was asked the question yesterday in a book what my deepest dreams were. What do I want to do with my writings? She said many of us writers don't know. Me? I want to write books. I want to write articles. I want to write books that open people's minds and hearts. Books that inspire people to grow, be kind, and gracious. A sharing of experiences and thoughts that expand someone's consciousness. That is the mark I wish to leave on the world. To bring about more connection, more reflection, more healing, more joy, and more peace.
I'm definitely feeling more decisive lately. Stronger emotionally and energetically but softer overall. A gentleman told me a few days ago that I was very kind, and to continue being myself. What a beautiful compliment. One of the best I've ever received. Giving much thought to the qualities I admire, to embody them myself, and help cultivate them in others. To surround myself with people who exude these same qualities and amplify other positive attributes. Patience. How grateful I am for learning that practice.
"Become one with your practice, your eight-fold path. Embrace it as though it were the lover you had waited for your entire life. Run with it, swim with it, sink with it, soar with it. Sail and sail hard..." - Geri Larkin
To Fran, To Regis. To Grandpa Dick. Your presences have not gone unnoticed these last few days. Thank you.
I'm definitely feeling more decisive lately. Stronger emotionally and energetically but softer overall. A gentleman told me a few days ago that I was very kind, and to continue being myself. What a beautiful compliment. One of the best I've ever received. Giving much thought to the qualities I admire, to embody them myself, and help cultivate them in others. To surround myself with people who exude these same qualities and amplify other positive attributes. Patience. How grateful I am for learning that practice.
"Become one with your practice, your eight-fold path. Embrace it as though it were the lover you had waited for your entire life. Run with it, swim with it, sink with it, soar with it. Sail and sail hard..." - Geri Larkin
To Fran, To Regis. To Grandpa Dick. Your presences have not gone unnoticed these last few days. Thank you.
Thursday, February 6, 2014
What If
What if for just a moment, I became okay with everything as it is right now. What if I felt for just a moment that I struggled with nothing. Nothing. I did not struggle with compulsive over-eating, I did not struggle with letting the past go, I did not struggle with allowing myself to be happy. What would that be like? It becomes very quiet. When I let go of worry, a space opens inside of me that allows for manifestation to happen. It frees up tremendous energy to put towards other things, like my dreams, like connecting with my partner. It frees me up to feel the woman inside of me who doesn't really get the chance to shine. The woman who is confident, sure, able to make decisions and face the consequences of those decisions whether they be good or bad... face them and let them go. Someone who regrets nothing, but humble enough to admit when she is wrong, grieve for a moment and move foward. There is this woman inside of me that is closer to who I truly am than anything I've ever known. She moves confidently and gracefully. She feels her emotions but does not allow them to engulf her. I can feel her there. It's not about becoming anything, about changing or doing as much as it is about simply letting go. Feeling that space inside of you where there is peace, where there is strength. It's about allowing that space to open up and grow. Everything happens for a reason, even the good things. It's okay to have good things happen. To embrace my life as it is right now, because it is a good life. I deserve it. To let go of the struggle of finding reason to not fully enjoy this life as it is. I've accepted all the "bad" things in my life. Believing they have given way to something greater. Well, so have the good things. I wouldn't be here, if I were not suppose to be here.
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
With Grace
For those of you who don't know, I'm a Hospice nurse. And although I said this is were I'd be at the end of my career, God had another plan. Last winter I had the son of a patient who had just taken her last breath ask me, "How do you do this work day in and day out?" without thought or hesitation I said, "with grace." The response alone shifted something inside of me, as if it didn't even come from me. It was absolutely true, and I knew it.
That is how I do this work, day in and day out. I really do love it. There is something beautiful about being there for someone or multiple someones during such a delicate time. Grace implies fluidity, calm, and simply being present. With that being said... the other night I had a patient that required visits every 2 hours. He was 30 minutes from my house, so it seemed pointless to drive back and forth. 30 minutes in the visit, 30 minutes home, that's only 30 min at home until I needed to drive back. Not gonna lie, I bitched. I spent the first few hours of my shift dreading & bitching. I wasn't going to get ANY sleep! Can't we break the visits up with someone else? What am I going to do between visits? Not much grace in that. Between 12:30 and 7:30am I spent all but about an hour with that family. I sat next to his bed, listening to him breathe, which was the only thing he was doing at this point, and watched a movie with his daughter. I gave his medicine every hour on the dot, then every 30 min. His 80 year old wife was finally asleep after 3 days of being at his bedside, and I sat there in the stillness waiting to know when to wake her so she could be there when he took his last breath. Fifty minutes after something nudged me and said it was time, she held her husband as he did just that with their children and his brother beside him. Sometimes, you can't help but to cry with them. It changes you.
It never fails, when you are exactly where God wants you to be, you have everything you need. I wasn't tired, I wasn't anxious or trying to leave, and I wasn't even remotely bitter for having to be there. I wanted to be there. The families are always so very grateful. It's obvious that you have helped ease their pain in some way. I've always said I do my best work here, at the end of their life. Where the two worlds meet. Where someone in my care lingers between life and death and their loved ones are caught in the middle. It is here that nothing but grace flows through me and I simply serve. What an honor to be part of such an intimate moment in someone's journey.
To those moments when you know you are exactly where you are suppose to be and posses the willingness to be there.
With Grace & Gratitude...
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Inspired
"To the extent that the person you were will effect who you are; it already has."
If that doesn't make sense, which it may not... let me break it down for you. I told that to a very dear who had been sober for somewhere around 6 years, I think I little longer. Someone who also felt the draw to remove themselves from the traditional 12 step programs and live her life, taking what she learned and left. I can relate to that. The thing about her though, is she done the work. She did. Some people can be in that program for 15 years, and still never do the work, the real work. The work that is required to make a radical change in who you are and the life that you are living. They will find themselves continuously re-living in the past in the name of "never forgetting your last drunk or your doomed to re-peat it" mindset. Don't get me wrong, the 12 steps of alcoholics anonymous had a dramatic positive impact on my life, but when it was done, it was done. It had served its purpose, and like my friend... I walked away. I went against the grain. We both went against the grain. And when our worlds didn't collapse, when we weren't found in a drunken stupor begging for help and forgiveness having exploded and taken out everyone around us... it challenged everything so many had been taught about "the program." And it scares them. To the extent that the person you were will effect who you are; it already has simply means, yes, the person she was has shaped her into the person she is now, but in a good way. She has done the work to re-balance that, to counter-act that if you will. That person, who she was, has already created the change within her it was suppose to, and she can let it go now. She can root completely in the person she is now, and move forward. And as always, with gratitude.
THESE are one of the kinds of people who truly inspire me. People who change. Who come like a Phoenix from the flames. Those who trust enough to step out on faith. To take chances. To risk everything they ever believed to be true about their life, for the possibility, that they can live the life they've always dreamt of living. Those who do things even though they are afraid, who burst in the darkest parts of who they are with a willingness and readiness to not leave until all is Light. People who beat the odds, and not because they set out to do so, but because they remained true to themselves. I admire these people and so grateful to be able to call many of them friends.
With Grace & Gratitude...
If that doesn't make sense, which it may not... let me break it down for you. I told that to a very dear who had been sober for somewhere around 6 years, I think I little longer. Someone who also felt the draw to remove themselves from the traditional 12 step programs and live her life, taking what she learned and left. I can relate to that. The thing about her though, is she done the work. She did. Some people can be in that program for 15 years, and still never do the work, the real work. The work that is required to make a radical change in who you are and the life that you are living. They will find themselves continuously re-living in the past in the name of "never forgetting your last drunk or your doomed to re-peat it" mindset. Don't get me wrong, the 12 steps of alcoholics anonymous had a dramatic positive impact on my life, but when it was done, it was done. It had served its purpose, and like my friend... I walked away. I went against the grain. We both went against the grain. And when our worlds didn't collapse, when we weren't found in a drunken stupor begging for help and forgiveness having exploded and taken out everyone around us... it challenged everything so many had been taught about "the program." And it scares them. To the extent that the person you were will effect who you are; it already has simply means, yes, the person she was has shaped her into the person she is now, but in a good way. She has done the work to re-balance that, to counter-act that if you will. That person, who she was, has already created the change within her it was suppose to, and she can let it go now. She can root completely in the person she is now, and move forward. And as always, with gratitude.
THESE are one of the kinds of people who truly inspire me. People who change. Who come like a Phoenix from the flames. Those who trust enough to step out on faith. To take chances. To risk everything they ever believed to be true about their life, for the possibility, that they can live the life they've always dreamt of living. Those who do things even though they are afraid, who burst in the darkest parts of who they are with a willingness and readiness to not leave until all is Light. People who beat the odds, and not because they set out to do so, but because they remained true to themselves. I admire these people and so grateful to be able to call many of them friends.
With Grace & Gratitude...
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Create Space
Love. Passion. Truthfulness.
There have been many questions floating around in my mind, answered by my heart, and sat with in sacred stillness over the last few weeks. Growing in number over the last few days. Tid bits of truths arising amongst the ashes. This may imply that everything has been relinquished and all has been changed. Not necessarily. I've been here before. Where I put everything I believe myself to be & know on the metaphorical table of reflection. What is working for me? What serves the best and highest good of all? What really is true? What do I want to keep? What do I need to leave? What do I need to leave, but don't want to? Where is my resistance coming from? What is in my heart? Without that stillness that comes from meditation these questions could & would most likely lead one into a rabbit hole of insanity. Meditation creates space. Space to grow, to be, to feel. Most importantly, room to breathe. Space to open oneself to the intangible which can only be wholly filled by something beyond our humanness. Beautiful, is an understatement. Is there a limit to this space? As far as I know, the universe is infinite. So create space, you've got plenty of room.
With Grace & Gratitude...
Monday, June 13, 2011
Motives & Perceptions (Finally Published)
"What are you looking for?"
A question that stopped me in my tracks as I was going going and forth between S & J's facebok page. Checking out their recent activity, their status', clicking the links to any females pages I thought they may be "talking to"... who was this L chic anyway? They were at the gym together on the 9th. They are in a picture together at what looks like a wedding are they dating? He has his arm around her. Let me check her out, hmmm do I think she's pretty? She looks old. And who's these two new women J is friends with now? Did he meet her on POF? Am I his favorite? When where these pictures taken? How often do they interact with this or that femle... let's check the "see friendship" link. Dammit, why do people have their pages so "private" ... lame. (Yet, mine is private.)
What was I looking for? What am I looking for when I go through thier pages as if I'm on a scavanger hunt and the prize is oxygen? Validation. A go ahead. Something that leads me to believe that I am the only woman they are talking to or interested in. That I have no competition, because I'm extremely competitive, and I'm not used to loosing, and don't handle it well. I think there is a lot of truth to that. Wow. To take it a step further, could it be that I won't even fight for their attention because somewhere inside of me I feel like I"m going to loose anyway? A false belief that they will always choose the other woman. Because she's going to be better than me? In my head, the other woman is always prettier, less crazy, more adept at maintaining a relationship, and must know how to "date", she's probably had more practice than me. I easily allow other women to build or tear away at my self esteem. Wow, well here lies a newly revealed issue, I'm constantly comparing myself to other women. I'm either better than you, or you're better than me. I've been told my ENTIRE life that actions speak louder than words, I don't even listen to people. I just watch them, caue that's where the truth is right? But my perception of their actions squew's the truth. Just as their own motives & perceptions shape what they say, my own motives & perceptions shape what I see, and how I see it. J interacts with very few woman on fb, yet he comments on tons of my stuff... status's, photos, etc. He must like me more than any of the others right? Otherwise he wouldn't be all over my fb page, and then asking me about my pictures. I don't know that. Assumptions are dangerous.
What am I looking for? I ask again because I want to know if there is more. Reasons to be jealous, bitchy, and chaotic? Because isn't that just part of it? You get a little jealous so you have something to talk about with your girlfriends? Something to obsess about because I get bored? A superficial reflection. An excuse to not go to the REAL issue, the deeper issue. Because I feel like I've went there so many times and come back empty handed. I KNOW, I'm missing something, so when I muster up enough energy or the pain is so overwhelming, I revist that place. That invisible place inside of me that pushes me to indulge in obssesive, chaotic, & self-sabotaging behaviors. I said earlier that I've always come back empty handed, that's not true. I've been there hundreds of times and have brought up & released tons of stale old energy that no longer serves me. But it's like it's all on various shelves, and I've still got a few rows of stuff to sift through on the shelf labeled "Romantic Relationships" That makes me smile. It's funny. I like metaphors & I like being able to see something within my head, so I know where I'm at with it, and what's left to do. Funny thing is, why am I seeing it as a food pantry? With cans of food lining it? Twice yesterday, I sat to go within and within minutes I was "hungry" & reaching for food. I was clearly hearing guidance from my Spiritual teachers that I was about to eat my feelings. I wasn't not hungry. To put the food down, feel what I was feeling, and write it out. This would be an awesome blog to post, but I don't want either one of these fellas knowing to what extent I creeped their facebook page yesterday. I'm ashamed. It's that "But, I've been doing SOO GOOD!" feeling. Ego. Today is a different day. If yoga has taught me anything, it has taught me that everyday is different. Everyday my body is different, my mind is different, the setting is different (temp, people, placement of my mat within the room, the teacher, time, weather, etc) Today I may be able to hold that dragon pose for 10 breaths & smile, tomorrow I may come out of it in 3 breaths and PISSED. The point is...it's okay & always erfect, keep breathing. To give in to that which is. To see things as they are right now, now how I want them to be, wish them to be, or want to pretend they are... but exactly as they are, right now.
Love & Light
Dottie
A question that stopped me in my tracks as I was going going and forth between S & J's facebok page. Checking out their recent activity, their status', clicking the links to any females pages I thought they may be "talking to"... who was this L chic anyway? They were at the gym together on the 9th. They are in a picture together at what looks like a wedding are they dating? He has his arm around her. Let me check her out, hmmm do I think she's pretty? She looks old. And who's these two new women J is friends with now? Did he meet her on POF? Am I his favorite? When where these pictures taken? How often do they interact with this or that femle... let's check the "see friendship" link. Dammit, why do people have their pages so "private" ... lame. (Yet, mine is private.)
What was I looking for? What am I looking for when I go through thier pages as if I'm on a scavanger hunt and the prize is oxygen? Validation. A go ahead. Something that leads me to believe that I am the only woman they are talking to or interested in. That I have no competition, because I'm extremely competitive, and I'm not used to loosing, and don't handle it well. I think there is a lot of truth to that. Wow. To take it a step further, could it be that I won't even fight for their attention because somewhere inside of me I feel like I"m going to loose anyway? A false belief that they will always choose the other woman. Because she's going to be better than me? In my head, the other woman is always prettier, less crazy, more adept at maintaining a relationship, and must know how to "date", she's probably had more practice than me. I easily allow other women to build or tear away at my self esteem. Wow, well here lies a newly revealed issue, I'm constantly comparing myself to other women. I'm either better than you, or you're better than me. I've been told my ENTIRE life that actions speak louder than words, I don't even listen to people. I just watch them, caue that's where the truth is right? But my perception of their actions squew's the truth. Just as their own motives & perceptions shape what they say, my own motives & perceptions shape what I see, and how I see it. J interacts with very few woman on fb, yet he comments on tons of my stuff... status's, photos, etc. He must like me more than any of the others right? Otherwise he wouldn't be all over my fb page, and then asking me about my pictures. I don't know that. Assumptions are dangerous.
What am I looking for? I ask again because I want to know if there is more. Reasons to be jealous, bitchy, and chaotic? Because isn't that just part of it? You get a little jealous so you have something to talk about with your girlfriends? Something to obsess about because I get bored? A superficial reflection. An excuse to not go to the REAL issue, the deeper issue. Because I feel like I've went there so many times and come back empty handed. I KNOW, I'm missing something, so when I muster up enough energy or the pain is so overwhelming, I revist that place. That invisible place inside of me that pushes me to indulge in obssesive, chaotic, & self-sabotaging behaviors. I said earlier that I've always come back empty handed, that's not true. I've been there hundreds of times and have brought up & released tons of stale old energy that no longer serves me. But it's like it's all on various shelves, and I've still got a few rows of stuff to sift through on the shelf labeled "Romantic Relationships" That makes me smile. It's funny. I like metaphors & I like being able to see something within my head, so I know where I'm at with it, and what's left to do. Funny thing is, why am I seeing it as a food pantry? With cans of food lining it? Twice yesterday, I sat to go within and within minutes I was "hungry" & reaching for food. I was clearly hearing guidance from my Spiritual teachers that I was about to eat my feelings. I wasn't not hungry. To put the food down, feel what I was feeling, and write it out. This would be an awesome blog to post, but I don't want either one of these fellas knowing to what extent I creeped their facebook page yesterday. I'm ashamed. It's that "But, I've been doing SOO GOOD!" feeling. Ego. Today is a different day. If yoga has taught me anything, it has taught me that everyday is different. Everyday my body is different, my mind is different, the setting is different (temp, people, placement of my mat within the room, the teacher, time, weather, etc) Today I may be able to hold that dragon pose for 10 breaths & smile, tomorrow I may come out of it in 3 breaths and PISSED. The point is...it's okay & always erfect, keep breathing. To give in to that which is. To see things as they are right now, now how I want them to be, wish them to be, or want to pretend they are... but exactly as they are, right now.
Love & Light
Dottie
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Truth. Honesty. Freedom.
"The most dangerous untruths are truths moderately distorted." ~Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
One of the most important things I am doing in my life at this time is being honest with myself. Complete, brutal, and humility-inducing honesty. It is so easy for me to catch half the truth, and get the second half completely wrong... setting me up for a very dangerous half-truth self evaluation. I'm always growing, either I'm going in Love and truth, or I'm growing in fear and self-deceit. Ex. I finally admit to myself, you know... I really don't like her. FABULOUS. I've just been honest with myself, and now I can stop pretending like I do, which just breeds anger because I feel "two-faced", dishonest, hypocrite. BUT it does not stop there because I want to know why. I don't like her... why? This is where the tricky part comes in. Why do you really not like her? Well I'll give you a hint, when you've found the truth, your desire to explain, prove, or tell people why leaves. Because when the truth hits it's usually quite humbling. It's because you see yourself in her, and it's embarrassing. It's because you've spent your whole life smiling in people's faces when you didn't like them, and now wow... you realize it, you're doing it AGAIN. What now? Does this mean you are a terrible person? How do I know when I'm genuine or not? Where did this start? OMG, can people tell? NO WONDER I can't stand so and so... the list goes on ad infintium. Oh what the conscious, ego/fear based mind can run with once a total and true divine truth has been revealed. There will be freedom under these fears, sit with that for a moment; as the pieces of the explosion of self-deceit to dissolve in Love.
There are few things more beautiful than a humble, grateful woman. Do you really expect to gain humility without first experiencing it? There was a second quote I liked, something about knowing who/what you are now so you can become who you want to be. It's about foundation, starting points. It's going to be difficult getting started if I don't know where I am. GPS systems have to know a starting and finishing point, otherwise you wouldn't know whether to head north, south, east, or west. Just as with life.
To know who I am, so I can get to who I want to be by being honest with myself. Is this something that resonates with my soul? Do I really believe what this person is saying to me? Am I really not afraid of giving that speech? It's so important to say what's in your heart, when it's there. Right, wrong, or whatever. If you aren't being true to yourself or acting in a way you feel your suppose to or have to or need to... then you then you aren't being honest with yourself. You are preventing yourself from true healing and connection with other people. You will become bitter and begin saying things like "I know" when people try to help you, because you DO know... but you aren't doing it because you aren't honoring yourself.
One of the biggest lies I ever told myself was "I don't care." How much pain could I have avoided if I would have just said been HONEST?! Beginning with myself, and then someone else... like, "You know, I DO care. I care about what I eat (among other things), but sometimes I binge and then feel incredibly guilty afterwards, sometimes I become exhausted because I feel like I've dealt with addictions my entire life, and what's left of my disease is SCREAMING... DON'T take the food away!!! It's all we have left!!! I'm scared and embarrassed." What's wrong that? Nothing. It's quite freeing actually.
"And the truth shall set you free."
Love & Light
Dottie
One of the most important things I am doing in my life at this time is being honest with myself. Complete, brutal, and humility-inducing honesty. It is so easy for me to catch half the truth, and get the second half completely wrong... setting me up for a very dangerous half-truth self evaluation. I'm always growing, either I'm going in Love and truth, or I'm growing in fear and self-deceit. Ex. I finally admit to myself, you know... I really don't like her. FABULOUS. I've just been honest with myself, and now I can stop pretending like I do, which just breeds anger because I feel "two-faced", dishonest, hypocrite. BUT it does not stop there because I want to know why. I don't like her... why? This is where the tricky part comes in. Why do you really not like her? Well I'll give you a hint, when you've found the truth, your desire to explain, prove, or tell people why leaves. Because when the truth hits it's usually quite humbling. It's because you see yourself in her, and it's embarrassing. It's because you've spent your whole life smiling in people's faces when you didn't like them, and now wow... you realize it, you're doing it AGAIN. What now? Does this mean you are a terrible person? How do I know when I'm genuine or not? Where did this start? OMG, can people tell? NO WONDER I can't stand so and so... the list goes on ad infintium. Oh what the conscious, ego/fear based mind can run with once a total and true divine truth has been revealed. There will be freedom under these fears, sit with that for a moment; as the pieces of the explosion of self-deceit to dissolve in Love.
There are few things more beautiful than a humble, grateful woman. Do you really expect to gain humility without first experiencing it? There was a second quote I liked, something about knowing who/what you are now so you can become who you want to be. It's about foundation, starting points. It's going to be difficult getting started if I don't know where I am. GPS systems have to know a starting and finishing point, otherwise you wouldn't know whether to head north, south, east, or west. Just as with life.
To know who I am, so I can get to who I want to be by being honest with myself. Is this something that resonates with my soul? Do I really believe what this person is saying to me? Am I really not afraid of giving that speech? It's so important to say what's in your heart, when it's there. Right, wrong, or whatever. If you aren't being true to yourself or acting in a way you feel your suppose to or have to or need to... then you then you aren't being honest with yourself. You are preventing yourself from true healing and connection with other people. You will become bitter and begin saying things like "I know" when people try to help you, because you DO know... but you aren't doing it because you aren't honoring yourself.
One of the biggest lies I ever told myself was "I don't care." How much pain could I have avoided if I would have just said been HONEST?! Beginning with myself, and then someone else... like, "You know, I DO care. I care about what I eat (among other things), but sometimes I binge and then feel incredibly guilty afterwards, sometimes I become exhausted because I feel like I've dealt with addictions my entire life, and what's left of my disease is SCREAMING... DON'T take the food away!!! It's all we have left!!! I'm scared and embarrassed." What's wrong that? Nothing. It's quite freeing actually.
"And the truth shall set you free."
Love & Light
Dottie
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