Periods have an entirely different purpose when you're trying to conceive. That shit is numbered and labeled, every day has a duty, and you are ready for it. Mine came today and I was ecstatic. Horray! Now, lets get these new patient papers filled out and pull the trigger on the big guns. It will be 2 years in November since we first decided we wanted to "get the process going" to have more kids. Granted, we've not paid to have inseminations every single month, but we've had a few. The meds, the emotional ups and downs, the waiting, the counting days, buying sperm, the hoping and praying, doctors appointments - we've done all of that for the last year and 9 months. We took the summer off. As the planned carrier and after a few failed attempts the beginning of this year, I needed a break. My wife, being the supportive and loving partner she is, told me to do whatever I feel I needed to do.
This summer has felt so good. It's been relaxing and refreshing - a much needed change from every other summer Sabrina and I have had. Summer one we met and that brought about its own upheavals, summer two we got married, summer three we house hunted and moved. These last few months I have focused on my business, my health, being more open and relaxed and watched life do it's thing.
Somehow, unexpectedly, we ended up finishing the nursery and main floor bathroom. Both of which we weren't going to touch until the fall. But, here it is, August 10, and tomorrow should wrap up our final project. We're ready. We're still excited. I can't speak for her, but my heart is so ready to love another child. I've also made several dietary changes over the summer to help with weight and inflammation in my body (evidenced by my chronic psoriasis that has cleared up significantly since I decided to make said dietary changes). No, I'm not on a diet. But I have changed my diet; there is a difference. I feel the best I've felt in at-least 5 years on all levels - physically, mentally, emotionally, & spiritually.
This shit is not for the faint of heart. Parenthood isn't either, though. So, here I sit, my detox tea to my right, music playing to my left, and preparing myself for this next step. It's a little emotional as I'm trying my best to be honest about wanting to get pregnant, but not being desperate, needy, and fearful.
As I reflect on where I have been in my life, this seems easy. I somehow still feel incredibly lucky and grateful for what I have and where I am. I'm overwhelmed actually, with the depth of gratitude I feel for this life. I have wanted to carry a baby inside my body, next to my heart, as long as I can remember, and probably way earlier than I should have! Divine timing is a real thing, and I trust there is a divine plan. I pray for patience, for joy, and for babies.
In the words of my good friend B Sacco, "It shouldn't be this hard to get pregnant when you want to have a baby..." No it shouldn't, maybe this time it won't be.
With Grace & Gratitude...
