We have to try again.
That's the text message I sent to at-least 5 of our closest friends letting them know that our last IUI didn't take as we had hoped. We have to try again. I had brief thoughts of - I'm too tired to do this again, I don't want to do this again, it's too expensive to do this again. About an hour ago we dropped another $500 plus dollars on meds and $860 dollars on donor sperm. We're ready to do this again. It has been a longer journey than it has felt. 17 months. We cannot succeed if we don't try. I am not angry, and I am not bitter at those who are carrying or birthing babies as we speak. In the beginning, I was anxious of sleepless nights, weight gain, mood swings, post par-tum depression, and a slew of other irrelevant possibilities. Maybe that was part of our block. None of that matters to me anymore. I sit here now, just waiting for that tiny bundle (or bundles) of joy to enter our lives, our family. I can't wait to see Adelynne's face when she holds her baby brother or sister for the first time. I'm okay with whatever this path brings us. As Sabrina and I always say - we will figure it out. We want a big family, full of love and little bit of chaos. I have waxed and waned through the years about whether or not I've wanted kids, mostly fear related. But watching Adelynne grow has been one of my greatest joys. And I want more of that, I want to grow our family and do the absolute best we can to nurture the best human beings we can and leave a positive impact on the world. Changing the world starts at home with loving, nurturing, and being present with our children, and not just our own but the children that come into our lives. There are so many children out there who just need someone to give a shit. I hope to be that person to children who come into my life. We decided about a year ago that fostering was something we wanted to do in our lives. Not if we couldn't get pregnant but after. We might need a bigger house one day, but for now, bunk-beds will work. ;)
With Grace & Gratitude...
