"A healthy weight is about contentment."
This phrase has rolled in and out of my awareness at least a half dozen times over the last three days. I have been peeling back layers of self-pity, blame, judgement, anger, resentments, shame, embarrassment, and a couple others alluding my fingers at this moment. Yes, all of those things, each and every one, have acquired some of my attention over the last several months. Mostly, as it relates to discovering why I carry somewhere between 50-80 extra pounds on my body. Pounds that a representative of something deeper.
I've allowed myself to relax a lot around food. That sounds silly, but I had myself so worked-up and upset about weight gain, attempts at figuring it all out, and fear that I was projecting these onto others and feeling as if a large rock was sitting in my stomach every time I'd sit at the dinner table. I knew this wasn't healthy. All this in conjunction with not necessarily listening to my body as much as I was pushing it in the gym to go harder, farther, faster. Not allowing it the recovery it needed.
A healthy weight IS about contentment. Contentment with being where you are, what you're doing, and who you're with. It's being present and not desiring an escape. Contentment is in the mind. It takes practice and mindfulness. We can suddenly obtain everything we've ever wanted and still not feel content if we've not cultivated our minds in such a way that we find ourselves present in each moment.
With Grace & Gratitude...
Tuesday, June 6, 2017
Sunday, June 4, 2017
Perspective
"Remember, it's a bad day, not a bad life."
It's been one of those days. When every plan seems to fall through and every turn results in a halt. I just came in from spreading mulch in the name of working through my irritation. Thank God I did yoga today, I might not have made it this far without eating my feelings or projecting my anger. My Jeep brakes locked up 40 miles from home, my oil ran dry in my other car because some fucking meth-head at the body shop didn't attach the piece he replaced on Friday correctly, BEFORE I drove almost 400 miles big circle style through the east side of the state. When I finally gave into to "fuck it" and self-pity the universe taunted me one last time by having Sabrina open the Jeep door and breaking my cup of coffee which happen to be the one thing keeping me together; shattered. At least I laughed that time, but that was it. The quintessential icing on the cake.
As my wife wrapped her arms around me while I allowed myself to dramatically whine about how over the day I was she placed both hands on my face and said, "Remember it's a bad day, not a bad life." And she was right. Suddenly, it was all put in perspective. Everyday can't be a good day and in the grand scheme of life, this one day is comically small in what I have handled, will handle, and posses the ability to handle in the future. Some days, it's okay to curl up with a good book and find contentment in being still. (Which is what I initially wanted to do, but felt the obligation to be productive on a sunny day.)
I am grateful for her. And in that moment, I began to think of a slew of other things I am grateful for in this blessed life temporarily bogged down by a bad day... my home, my little family, the potential that my marriage, family, and job hold, good friends that have somehow managed to meet me in the middle across all these miles and years, where I"m from and where I am now - all these things created gratitude in my heart and solace within my irritated and anxious mind.
With Grace & Gratitude...
It's been one of those days. When every plan seems to fall through and every turn results in a halt. I just came in from spreading mulch in the name of working through my irritation. Thank God I did yoga today, I might not have made it this far without eating my feelings or projecting my anger. My Jeep brakes locked up 40 miles from home, my oil ran dry in my other car because some fucking meth-head at the body shop didn't attach the piece he replaced on Friday correctly, BEFORE I drove almost 400 miles big circle style through the east side of the state. When I finally gave into to "fuck it" and self-pity the universe taunted me one last time by having Sabrina open the Jeep door and breaking my cup of coffee which happen to be the one thing keeping me together; shattered. At least I laughed that time, but that was it. The quintessential icing on the cake.
As my wife wrapped her arms around me while I allowed myself to dramatically whine about how over the day I was she placed both hands on my face and said, "Remember it's a bad day, not a bad life." And she was right. Suddenly, it was all put in perspective. Everyday can't be a good day and in the grand scheme of life, this one day is comically small in what I have handled, will handle, and posses the ability to handle in the future. Some days, it's okay to curl up with a good book and find contentment in being still. (Which is what I initially wanted to do, but felt the obligation to be productive on a sunny day.)
I am grateful for her. And in that moment, I began to think of a slew of other things I am grateful for in this blessed life temporarily bogged down by a bad day... my home, my little family, the potential that my marriage, family, and job hold, good friends that have somehow managed to meet me in the middle across all these miles and years, where I"m from and where I am now - all these things created gratitude in my heart and solace within my irritated and anxious mind.
With Grace & Gratitude...
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