"I want to start a non-profit organization that takes cake to the homeless on their birthdays." And that was how this started.
I love cake. And not any cake, but birthday cake, on or within a day or so of my birthday. I'm a pretty calorie conscious, health conscious individual, but have no shame on my birthday week. There is something glorious about it. Playful, innocently joyful. It's colorful, and sweet. And you get to mix it with ice cream. It's your special day, and should be all about you. And I usually make sure mine is, not in a narcissistic, fuck everybody else kind of why, but a shoulder shrugging grin, yes, it's my birthday kind of way, you're welcome.
There were a few birthdays when money was tight, I was getting older, and decided I was okay if I never got another birthday present. I didn't want anyone to feel bad or not come and join the fun because they didn't have money for a gift. As long as there was cake, ice cream, and the people I loved I was a happy camper.
My birthday is actually tomorrow. But I already have two cakes. I homemade confetti with vanilla frosting, lots of sprinkles, and blue writing. A second Kroger cake, whipped frosting, chocolate, and a flower. That one had red writing I think, just incase you were wondering. Both fantastic. I'll be 29. As I sat gleefully, eating my fourth piece of the day and virtually nothing else, I thought of why this was my favorite part of my birthday. Well, you get a whole cake! With your name on it! Whatever kind you like, however you like it! Usually. Unless you don't. Unless you have no one to celebrate it with, unless you have no money to buy a cake, or unless you have no where to enjoy it. "Homeless" was a broad term I used this evening as I thought of how everyone should feel special on their birthday. Everyone should delight in their favorite sweet treat with their name on it, with at least one person who loves them. There was a seriousness in my heart when I wondered how I could do that.
I'm convinced birthday cake on our special day does something for the soul. Somehow it feeds our inner child and strengthens our Light. God knows the world needs more Light; how can I bring it more cake?
With Grace & Gratitude...
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Sunday, September 14, 2014
Ramblings of a Sunday Afternoon
What is it that I want to do with my life? I'm almost 30. I am secure financially. I'm secure romantically and emotionally. I have a good support system. What mark is it that I want to leave on the world? What are my hearts deepest desires? What are my gifts? And how can I express them? I'm almost 30. A surreal understanding. It is entirely up to me how I handle my experiences and how I interact with the world and people in it. I am no child. I am dependent on no one to be in this world. *I* am truly my only obstacle. I am not starting over on anything, I am not getting sober, I am no longer waiting on nursing school to be finished, or waiting to get settled in my new job. I am in my life. Fully and able bodied. Both feet on the ground, totally submerged and living this life. So how do wish to be in this world? How can I make the most of each day? These are the questions I've begun asking myself. This is were I'm at.
It is empowering. This place. Not sure I've been here before, but God am I grateful for it. Still asking, What is required of me right now?
With Grace & Gratitude...
It is empowering. This place. Not sure I've been here before, but God am I grateful for it. Still asking, What is required of me right now?
With Grace & Gratitude...
Thursday, September 11, 2014
Write
I am always writing.
I write in my head all day long. About experiences, feelings. thoughts, perceptions, opinions... I mean the words literally start in my head as if I were typing wishing I had a computer in front of me. I am a writer. I have been a writer since as long as I can remember. Sixth grade I broke down sentence diagrams with delight and perfection. Straight lines, commas, preposition or noun? I loved it. I've always been a poor speller, but that doesn't seem to be path altering obstacle, thank God for spell check, and auto correct (unless its on my iPhone).
There's magic in it. A doorway that leads to un-touched and hidden parts of ourselves. Art. Like any other creative masterpiece, a physical expression of intangible beginnings. It has been my sanity. It has been my savior. It has been my release and my hearts greatest joy as long as I can remember. I have journals from when I was twelve in my basement right now, literally only feet below the chair I sit in here, in this moment. A child's world scratched upon what is now tattered paper, so long ago yet so close to where I am now.
Pure poetry, even when it doesn't rhyme.
With Grace & Gratitude...
I write in my head all day long. About experiences, feelings. thoughts, perceptions, opinions... I mean the words literally start in my head as if I were typing wishing I had a computer in front of me. I am a writer. I have been a writer since as long as I can remember. Sixth grade I broke down sentence diagrams with delight and perfection. Straight lines, commas, preposition or noun? I loved it. I've always been a poor speller, but that doesn't seem to be path altering obstacle, thank God for spell check, and auto correct (unless its on my iPhone).
There's magic in it. A doorway that leads to un-touched and hidden parts of ourselves. Art. Like any other creative masterpiece, a physical expression of intangible beginnings. It has been my sanity. It has been my savior. It has been my release and my hearts greatest joy as long as I can remember. I have journals from when I was twelve in my basement right now, literally only feet below the chair I sit in here, in this moment. A child's world scratched upon what is now tattered paper, so long ago yet so close to where I am now.
Pure poetry, even when it doesn't rhyme.
With Grace & Gratitude...
Friday, September 5, 2014
Precipice
"A dance in timeless fashion pieces, O ye who makes us wise..."
I have been here before. A familiar precipice. Where stillness and quiet seem to be the moving force behind your fall. Or you can leap. Backward down the mountain seems not to be an option. The Runes call this a place of "non-action". I like to add "non-thought" because here, thoughts are vague and seem automatically translated by the mind as feeling and emotion. The alphabetical jargon holds no composition here.
It was about 3 years ago. I had managed to end my relationship whether consciously or unconsciously I found myself walking away, but talking about staying. It was winter when I finally arrived at where that walk was taking me. I remember being in Tennessee in a bedroom I had spent some years in before, with yellow walls and a bed barely long enough for my almost 6 foot body. Enough space to breath, to yoga, to listen to Mumford & Sons and what something deeper than my heart was saying. I was done fighting what was and had "come to myself in some regard." I italicize the phrase because it comes from a Rune explanation, when I'd ask then "what now?"... I was told it was about a meeting of the Self and as an end of a means, a coming too. To be patient and wait for signs of spring. All of this immediately preceded my embarkation of life with another. A beginning of something I never thought I was capable.
I reflect back on that because it was one of the most empowering times of my life. Obviously one of the more life changing experiences one can have. I truly HAD come to myself in some regard. I stood in my power, knowing my self-worth, tapped into the well of joy un-given by earthly recognition or gains. The place I felt I had been coming to for years, and I had finally arrived. That's how I feel now. Here in the quiet of my office space of the house with the woman who came that spring. Lined with my favorite photography and art on cinnamon stick colored walls. Wood floors beneath my feet that laid hidden under ugly carpet for over two decades... I receive similar messaged from the Universe. An index card written in my own handwriting I ask, "What is required of me here and now??" That's a good question. It's a faith question. It's a humble question. A question of service. And has an answer that can only be found within the Self.
With Grace & Gratitude...
I have been here before. A familiar precipice. Where stillness and quiet seem to be the moving force behind your fall. Or you can leap. Backward down the mountain seems not to be an option. The Runes call this a place of "non-action". I like to add "non-thought" because here, thoughts are vague and seem automatically translated by the mind as feeling and emotion. The alphabetical jargon holds no composition here.
It was about 3 years ago. I had managed to end my relationship whether consciously or unconsciously I found myself walking away, but talking about staying. It was winter when I finally arrived at where that walk was taking me. I remember being in Tennessee in a bedroom I had spent some years in before, with yellow walls and a bed barely long enough for my almost 6 foot body. Enough space to breath, to yoga, to listen to Mumford & Sons and what something deeper than my heart was saying. I was done fighting what was and had "come to myself in some regard." I italicize the phrase because it comes from a Rune explanation, when I'd ask then "what now?"... I was told it was about a meeting of the Self and as an end of a means, a coming too. To be patient and wait for signs of spring. All of this immediately preceded my embarkation of life with another. A beginning of something I never thought I was capable.
I reflect back on that because it was one of the most empowering times of my life. Obviously one of the more life changing experiences one can have. I truly HAD come to myself in some regard. I stood in my power, knowing my self-worth, tapped into the well of joy un-given by earthly recognition or gains. The place I felt I had been coming to for years, and I had finally arrived. That's how I feel now. Here in the quiet of my office space of the house with the woman who came that spring. Lined with my favorite photography and art on cinnamon stick colored walls. Wood floors beneath my feet that laid hidden under ugly carpet for over two decades... I receive similar messaged from the Universe. An index card written in my own handwriting I ask, "What is required of me here and now??" That's a good question. It's a faith question. It's a humble question. A question of service. And has an answer that can only be found within the Self.
With Grace & Gratitude...
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