Pay Attention. Know Thyself

Pay attention. Know thyself.

How easy it is to read over those words and somewhere inside of yourself know the magnitude of which doing those things can change your life, but choosing not to do them. I'm certain it's rarely a conscious decision. Who DOESN'T say they want a good life? Happiness? Joy? Freedom? We all do. Some of us, just work harder for it than others. Some of us just aren't willing right now to put forth the effort required. Some are too afraid to face that which hides beneath the facades of who we think we are. Some of us don't work at all. I work at it. Many people work at it. Diligently, methodically. I encourage others to do the same. To know thyself. To know your personality. To know how to use every single aspect of who you are to achieve your goals, your dreams.

Allegory. I thought of that word as I was working through some yoga poses to loosen up my spine this morning for my Sunday training session with Burkey. I asked him in a half-sleep haze to do my least favorite workout in the world. The one that makes me want to lay on my stomach like a small child and pound my fists on the ground. The one that quickly induces a "I don't give a fuck anymore" attitude. The workout that makes quitting seem totally acceptable. I asked for that this morning. Therefore I was okay with it (on some level). Whining becomes totally unacceptable, a gentle reminder that "I asked for this." The question, the REAL question... the "know thyself" question came when I thought... what if I didn't want to do that workout this morning, and that was what was planned. How would I have reacted? How long would it have taken to compose myself? Would I have worked as hard? Pay attention. I'll pay attention today. Because one day, beyond my control, beyond my planning... The universe, God, & Burkey will conspire against me on my least willing & expecting day and I will have to do an "easy" ab workout. It is then, I will  really learn something about myself. I'll pay attention today, and wait for that. Then sit with it, and let it change me, for the better.  Welcome to the station. This is what we do, if you're willing to do the work.

With Grace & Gratitude...

Acceptance

"Take what the universe gives you."

     I don't think she had a clue how much of an impact that would have on me when she wrote it on my wall. I've been sitting with it for weeks. Acceptance. I had forgotten how powerful a prayer that was, and how much freedom came along with it. I keep asking myself, what is the universe giving to me right now? And how can it serve the highest good? I have been fighting for months the ending of my last relationship. A few weeks ago I finally broke down and pretty much begged her to start over. Told her of the void I felt without her, and how I believed more in the power of our Love to create miracles more so than the power of our ego's to tear us apart. She said that's not what she wanted at all. What choice did I have but to accept that? To grieve? To love her anyway and let go of that which was causing my pain? What was the universe giving me? An out. An absolution. Room for someone else.

I've spent the majority of my life becoming more conscious of who I am and what is. I've also spent a good chunk of that time choosing the lessons I did or didn't want to learn, embarking on various paths because I wanted to learn this, or learn that... because it was fairly obvious those were things I could learn from the particular avenue I was taking. Most often, I did learn those lessons, and more. "Take what the universe gives you" made me think that maybe the universe does have this shit all under control. I don't need to consciously choose the next lesson to learn. Somewhere along the last several months a sense of patience and trust has grown in me, I wasn't sure would ever find it's place in my life. These two things I think are what have allowed me to relax into what the universe is giving me, right now at this point in my life. A logical understanding that if it wasn't what I needed right now I wouldn't be experiencing it becomes a deep understanding. It helps me to welcome change a little easier, to say goodbye with a little more grace, and welcome the new with arms wider spread.  It helps me to struggle a less trying to figure out what it is I REALLY want, and allow me to simply ask the universe to bring it to me. A surrender of sorts. A confession, that I often have no fucking clue what I really want... but God does, the Universe does, whatever you'd like to call "It" does.... and I ask that, to go inside my heart and bring those desires to me, and give me the courage and willingness to accept them once they get here.

With Grace & Gratitude...