Acceptance

"Take what the universe gives you."

     I don't think she had a clue how much of an impact that would have on me when she wrote it on my wall. I've been sitting with it for weeks. Acceptance. I had forgotten how powerful a prayer that was, and how much freedom came along with it. I keep asking myself, what is the universe giving to me right now? And how can it serve the highest good? I have been fighting for months the ending of my last relationship. A few weeks ago I finally broke down and pretty much begged her to start over. Told her of the void I felt without her, and how I believed more in the power of our Love to create miracles more so than the power of our ego's to tear us apart. She said that's not what she wanted at all. What choice did I have but to accept that? To grieve? To love her anyway and let go of that which was causing my pain? What was the universe giving me? An out. An absolution. Room for someone else.

I've spent the majority of my life becoming more conscious of who I am and what is. I've also spent a good chunk of that time choosing the lessons I did or didn't want to learn, embarking on various paths because I wanted to learn this, or learn that... because it was fairly obvious those were things I could learn from the particular avenue I was taking. Most often, I did learn those lessons, and more. "Take what the universe gives you" made me think that maybe the universe does have this shit all under control. I don't need to consciously choose the next lesson to learn. Somewhere along the last several months a sense of patience and trust has grown in me, I wasn't sure would ever find it's place in my life. These two things I think are what have allowed me to relax into what the universe is giving me, right now at this point in my life. A logical understanding that if it wasn't what I needed right now I wouldn't be experiencing it becomes a deep understanding. It helps me to welcome change a little easier, to say goodbye with a little more grace, and welcome the new with arms wider spread.  It helps me to struggle a less trying to figure out what it is I REALLY want, and allow me to simply ask the universe to bring it to me. A surrender of sorts. A confession, that I often have no fucking clue what I really want... but God does, the Universe does, whatever you'd like to call "It" does.... and I ask that, to go inside my heart and bring those desires to me, and give me the courage and willingness to accept them once they get here.

With Grace & Gratitude...