Vengence

"Take what the universe gives you <3"

I am being rebellious. I can feel it. Like a child's last attempt at fighting the inevitable. I sit here now I've meditated reluctantly the last couple days. Compromising with the universe.... such as... I'm only gonna sit here and take 5 deep breaths then I'm done. I've not wanted to meditate for the last couple weeks. However, my intention has been to listen. Astrologically, today is an optimal day specifically midnight) I think, to finally release the things which we've been struggling to let go of. To write down your wishes. I "stumbled" across that a few days ago... it's been plaguing my mind ever since. I know it my gut, it's something I need to do. So what is it? My vengeful tendencies including but not limited too saying/doing things with the intentions of it causing jealousy/anger to "fuck with someone." Wanting to post fb status or say things to elude to the fact that I'm seeing someone else now. Seems I want to do that on a daily basis. But here's the thing. What I give, I keep. What I wish for someone else, I wish for myself. :-/ And I wonder why jealousy is such an issue for me? And here's the other thing. Under the anger and the hurt, there is Love. I love her. Deep down, we don't want to hurt those we love, that's why the high of vengeance is so fleeting. Then we seem to be plagued by some vague sense of feeling "bad." That's not the person I choose to be. Love is what will heal the world. The work put forth in fostering more trust & patience in my life are evident, but still a working progress. Thank God for that.

So, where is my focus? Remaining centered, calm, collected. Grateful & peaceful. Letting the universe do it's thing and remaining open to guided action. It's about practice. By taking what the universe gives me, I am allowing It to teach me the things I most need to learn & experience.

Right now... It's giving me.....a very long silence as the song begins to sing "But I want want want to be in love for real"...  *sighs, it's giving me something that doesn't need to be analyzed right here, right now.

With Grace & Gratitude...