Honesty & Self Pity
With a comment regarding generosity to the point of dishonesty I was inclined to evaluate my honesty with myself in regards to food which expanded into... everything.
Yesterday was a total loss food wise. I binged on snickers bars and laffy taffy. I blamed Carisa (jokingly), but let's face it... I ate that shit on my own accord, and there is always some truth in jest. I made a decision. I logged the first 5 fun-sized bites of garbage and still felt in control. Then I chose to lose control, and I paid for it. By the end of the night I felt dizzy, foggy, exhausted, and contemplated checking in for a head CT having convinced myself I was having a TIA.
My somewhat dishonest and borderline unhealthy relationship with food is not new. But I am fucking ready to be done with it.
I pulled it together quite quickly today. I feel pretty good. Completed my workout even with a sore wrist. I didn't want to, though. I had to talk myself into. I began to whine to the point of feeling sorry for myself. I struggled to go to the bathroom today because of my food choices yesterday. That was the moment I realized I was feeling sorry for myself.
"A small bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without every having felt sorry for itself."
I pulled my shit together.
The challenge here, at this point in my life, in my health journey, is to hold myself accountable. To be honest with myself. Rely on myself to show up, do the work, and recover properly. To eat the diet that works best for my body, and get there. To trust myself. No one else an cross that finish line for me.
In the end of any cycle, any challenge, we are always brought face to face with ourselves or some aspect of that.
