Change & Chaos: They Are Not the Same

I was chatting with a friend the other night after a long day of unexplained anger and irritability. She appeared to have what some people call a "catastrophic reaction" - the anger she had been juggling all day finally came to an explosive head over something seemingly small. After an hour of silence she told me she felt a lot of stress in her life, as if, everything around her was crashing down, and it felt like utter chaos.

I've been thinking about this experience ever since. I did end up telling her that night that change and chaos were not the same, although, sometimes they feel identical. The chaos piece comes from our thoughts - us thinking of 100 different solutions and possibilities, and then possible second outcomes to all those 100 solutions, along with what our actions would be to each and every one of those solutions. Writing that alone sounds chaotic.

Change itself is not chaotic, but it can definitely feel that way. And maybe I'm writing this so I can read it later, after this baby is born, when my entire life, schedule, and habits get shifted in someway. Some change we yearn and pray for and anxiously await it's impending arrival. Some change is entirely unexpected (this one might actually be a bit chaotic for a bit), and other times it happens so slowly we don't hardly recognize it until one day look around a bit confused wondering where something went in our life.

If I've learned anything about change in the last decade it's that my monkey mind is what causes more distress and anxiety than anything. Taking things one step at a time, one day at a time, is what gets me through it. (And usually a solid amount of Bach Flower drops, exercise/lifting, yoga, meditation, & journaling) In those times I feel I don't have time for any of these things, I make time for them. Sounds cliche, but I do; I have to. Otherwise, life begins to feel like it's spinning out of control. I need these things in my life. They are essential to my over-all well-being. Anytime I talk to anyone about stress or feelings of anxiety and confusion I ask them what they do as a healthy stress reliever. That energy must go somewhere. It cannot stay within our energy fields. Our minds and bodies will adjust accordingly and create disease - some sort of protective mechanism intended for short-term use that accidentally becomes long-term and harmful.

I encourage people to find something. Out of habit, I am quick to offer and encourage the things I know work for me, but it's important to understand that all of us are different. And for God's sake, start small! Create space. Could I take those 7 minutes I spend scrolling through facebook to text a friend hello? How about meditate? Or walk outside and take three long/deep breathes? Be creative.

With Grace & Gratitude.

Don't Be a Victim

"Don't be a victim"

This statement has rolled through my mind regularly the last few days. I've acknowledged it and given it some energy. I've probed it's relevance and possible signal for self-reflection, especially, in light of some family drama and new realizations. Don't be a victim. 

I don't necessarily feel I am that person who allows myself to be feel victimized often, if ever. It's something I've lived and dealt with in depth previously, and I remain mindful of it's potential to affect my life again. But why was this coming into my awareness? Why was the Universe dropping these hints, or more so, reminders to no be a victim? Was I allowing myself to be that? Had I already fallen back into that trap temporarily? Family dynamics are the trickiest of human relationships. I've often noticed that as soon as I feel I've got something healed or handled the Universe puts a family member in front of me and tests my ability to make a different decision or carry out a different action.

Don't be a victim.

It's easy to allow when it's all you've ever known. It's easy to do when it feels like things are always being done TO you. It's easy to do when you feel out of control or exhausted. It's easy to do when you give in against your better judgement because you are utterly exhausted from the boundaries you've set are constantly being pushed against. For the Walking Dead fans, it's like holding a wall against a herd of zombies. They never stop pushing, and more noise attracts more of them to push against your boundaries. Eventually, the mortal (the mindful) get pissed. And when they do, they push back with vengeance and leave devastation in their wake. That's where I'm at.

With Grace & Gratitude...