With Grace

For those of you who don't know, I'm a Hospice nurse. And although I said this is were I'd be at the end of my career, God had another plan. Last winter I had the son of a patient who had just taken her last breath ask me, "How do you do this work day in and day out?" without thought or hesitation I said, "with grace." The response alone shifted something inside of me, as if it didn't even come from me. It was absolutely true, and I knew it.

That is how I do this work, day in and day out. I really do love it. There is something beautiful about being there for someone or multiple someones during such a delicate time. Grace implies fluidity, calm, and simply being present. With that being said... the other night I had a patient that required visits every 2 hours. He was 30 minutes from my house, so it seemed pointless to drive back and forth. 30 minutes in the visit, 30 minutes home, that's only 30 min at home until I needed to drive back. Not gonna lie, I bitched. I spent the first few hours of my shift dreading & bitching. I wasn't going to get ANY sleep! Can't we break the visits up with someone else? What am I going to do between visits? Not much grace in that. Between 12:30 and 7:30am I spent all but about an hour with that family. I sat next to his bed, listening to him breathe, which was the only thing he was doing at this point, and watched a movie with his daughter. I gave his medicine every hour on the dot, then every 30 min. His 80 year old wife was finally asleep after 3 days of being at his bedside, and I sat there in the stillness waiting to know when to wake her so she could be there when he took his last breath. Fifty minutes after something nudged me and said it was time, she held her husband as he did just that with their children and his brother beside him. Sometimes, you can't help but to cry with them. It changes you. 

It never fails, when you are exactly where God wants you to be, you have everything you need. I wasn't tired, I wasn't anxious or trying to leave, and I wasn't even remotely bitter for having to be there. I wanted to be there. The families are always so very grateful. It's obvious that you have helped ease their pain in some way. I've always said I do my best work here, at the end of their life. Where the two worlds meet. Where someone in my care lingers between life and death and their loved ones are caught in the middle. It is here that nothing but grace flows through me and I simply serve. What an honor to be part of such an intimate moment in someone's journey.

To those moments when you know you are exactly where you are suppose to be and posses the willingness to be there. 

With Grace & Gratitude...