I sat in a tree tonight watching the wind blow through it's branches as if they were dancing. The energy was interesting. Almost as if they only thing to do was to reflect. Yet there wasn't any specific aspect of my life to reflect upon. Maybe I am just rambling right now, and maybe I need too. It's been quite some time since I've written anything substantial, anything I would post and share. I've wondered if my muse has been quieted. I can write here and now with whatever comes, just to begin to feed that creative spark again. The love of my life is sitting next to me. On her own computer, doing her own thing. Not sure if we've done this before. If I were to say that she'd probably say of course we have, you just don't remember. Jesus, I just want to write. It feels like fall out, and it's July 1st. I've been pulling cards lately about how I perceive others. about quiet, compassion, stillness. The last two were about tithing. Not so much monetary tithing, but tithing none the less. Selflessness. I'm learning that, it isn't exactly my strong point. WTF is up with my eyebrow? The area just over my right eye has been twitching on and off all day. Weird. I have to admit, I don't think I've ever just let someone sit in my space as I typed, rambled about .... useless fragments of my mind. Yoga has been quite the enlightening experience lately, although I guess that's what it's suppose to do right? It is about linking the mind, body and spirit. Anywho. "I trust you." I heard that last week in yoga. For the first time in my life, I went into asana and instead of my mind and my body arguing about whether or not it was a good idea to go deeper into that pose, I heard, "I trust you." That's huge. Somewhere along the lines, along this path I traveled, I have learned to trust myself, on some level, some part of me... trusts me. I'm not so sure I ever thought that would happen, and not so sure I was even working on it. Maybe THAT is a prime and beautiful example of "doing nothing and everything gets done." The art of non-doing. I really like having her here. So close, but not not involved directly in what I"m doing. Just hanging out in my space being her. She talks to the cat. And and the dog for that matter in this adorable voice that, without fail, makes me smile every single time. What inspires me? She asked me that when we first met. What inspires me? People who change. People who fight hard and come out on top, people who don't quit. Sometimes fighting hard isn't physical, it's just breathing quietly while something happens that you know is not yours to deal with. The other day I sat quietly and asked the universe what my purpose was, I asked for a vision of my life and what I was suppose to do with it. Usually, I asked that question assuming I already know the answer. Not that time. I asked without any expectation. I'm still waiting though. Open, aware, & waiting. What IS my life purpose? What is God's plan for me? And where does it meet with mine, if at all? I'm sure selfliss giving is in there somewhere. What are my gifts? And how can I best utilize them? If I had to answer that question right now I'd say, the gift of healing & the gift of communication. When all is aligned within this writer within me, I'm pretty poetic. I'm pretty good at expanding people's mind and touching them on a deep level. This particular piece of probably does an extremely poor job of depicting that, but... gotta re-start somewhere right? Cause I miss this shit. It's like a breath of fresh air. A vent opened in the top of my skull allowing this endless array of yakity yak to go somewhere. It's getting late, my girl is getting sleepy,and I feel I've somehow achieved what I set out to do somehwere around 20min ago. May it be only the beginning of what's next.
With Grace & Gratititude...
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