"I no longer need to control or predict the outcome of this situation. I am free."
The affirmation I've been reciting for WEEKS, maybe months at this point. I'm frustrated. Crying. Grasping at various reasons... when I found myself reaching outward, I knew I was getting further and further away from the truth. A desperate plea to God, I don't want to be in control anymore, please show me how to let go. To stop fighting life, stop trying to control it. I've felt it, for breif moments... but how to get back there? How to learn everything I need to learn so it is no longer an issue. How to transcend this aspect of who I am? Love it. Love it entirely? Stop fighting it. Stop getting angry that it's here again, approach with curiosity and compassion. Advice I've given a hundred times. I'm so tired. So tired of repeating this cycle. But apparently, not tired enough.
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