Is There Anything Left?

I finished my presentation and immediately went into "I've been this, I've been that..." Thoughts of blogging about my realizations where I have been selfish, unkind, arrogant, angry, etc. Without a moment of good job Dottie, well done. It's been a hectic last 5 days, but you're almost done and your doing great. No, there was none of that. Tears filled my eyes, I was ready to put on some music that vibrated my soul, and blog until my little hearts content, allowing any pain to gently surface until everything STOPPED. I realized, I am punishing myself. When am I going to stop punishing myself? I've been asked that questions a few times the last couple weeks. I can be free. Right now. How do I feel? Angsty. Dumbfounded. Like oh, well... It's like you've been waiting in line for over an hour preparing yourself for humility, for the worst, then someone tapping you on the shoulder and saying, let's go, it was a mistake, I've taken care of it.... you don't have to go. You don't jump up with excitement, you're like what? Relly? What happened, but I... Your confused, unsure. Questioning do you deserve this? Is this real? Is this going to come back and bite you in the ass later?