Sweetness

I'm a much more productive human being when I'm not on Facebook.

And when I say "not on Facebook" I mean... not even signed up, not even having an active profile. There's something about Facebook that distracts me from life. From myself, from things I need to cultivate within myself. I deactivated my account months ago and didn't look back until I realized that I still loved to blog, and Facebook happened to be my biggest fan. Where else was I going to post them?

I've spent the majority of my life looking for answers to the hard questions. The questions that may not have an answer. I've spent the last 6+ years searching for my own answers. Digging deep within my own psyche and cleaning out muck that had accumulated from all the years before. People are fascinating. I'm fascinating. I consider myself lucky to have this insatiable appetite to figure myself out, to grow, and evolve. I also consider myself lucky to have been part of so many others' similar journey. One of the big things I've learned is that we often subconsciously avoid our issues. Wonder why people show up in our lives when they do? Or do the things they do? Because people are mirrors. Always, constantly offering you the opportunity to look at yourself. I've also learned that when just before it breaks, it hurts the worst. It truly does seem "darkest before the dawn." You feel as if you cannot take much more. Anger, anxiety, & the urge to give way to the same old thing and stop fighting for something new seems so sweet it makes your mouth water. It's an illusion of freedom. We mistake that giving up for surrender. We mistake giving in for standing still but strong. The freedom comes from breaking the old habits, and letting them lie where they may. Of not only breaking the metaphorical chains, but not carrying around the metaphorically cuffs either. I've spent my life using drugs, alcohol, food, sex, and even Facebook to distract myself from growth. We all do it. My goal over the last 6 years has simply been to become more conscious, and sometimes yes, I'm a little too deep for some, and sometimes the rabbit hole seems to open up and swallow me whole. Sometimes I'm too deep for myself. But it is these places I find the most amazing things about life, about people, & about myself.

Don't be afraid to ask yourself the hard questions. To be honest, and ask others to do the same. We are so afraid of what we would learn about ourselves if God forbid, we sat in some silence. If we asked ourselves, "What is this person I cannot stand reflecting to me about myself?" "Who am I when I'm not being productive?" "What does enough feel like?" What if for JUST A MOMENT we slowly, step by step removed any thoughts of the past along with any feelings of how it should or should not have been; then take a breath and release thoughts and anticipation of the future, and simply sit with ourselves. If we ask yourselves what would it feel like, if just for a moment, I completely and totally accept my life as it is without any kind of desire for it to be any different... what would that feel like? That my friends is the sweetness that should make your mouth water.

With Grace & Gratitude...