Wounds

"It's not about the wounds from our past relationships, its about the wounds we are creating in each other in our current relationship and we need to figure out how to help the other one heal those wounds without our egos getting all worked up."

That might have been one of the most profound things I've ever said to my significant other. The goal, the mutual goal, should always be to help the other become the best version of themselves. That's why it's so important to mean what you say and be mindful with our words. It's okay to point out less than positive aspects of the other's personality but it must be done with love, with the intention of simply bringing it to the others attention. Maybe they will reflect on that, maybe they won't. That is not of our concern. But if it is re-iterated that our mutual understanding is to always help the other person be a better version of themselves, then that will allow each person to listen a little more intently and be a little less defensive. As always, the change begins with us. You get what you give. It's about giving anyway. If we stayed concerned with what we are or are not getting out of our relationships, we are missing the whole point. So, it begins with me. Be the change. Right? Yes. In those moments though, sometimes all you can do is breathe. Keep breathing and keep listening. In the grand scheme of things its about loving, giving, growing, and being true to yourself all in the same boat. Life has always been about learning. What are the principles you live your relationship by? What questions can we ask ourselves to get the most out of where we are right now? What is being presented as an opportunity to learn? In what ways are we being loving? In what ways are our egos blocking the possibility of growth? Are we being true to ourselves here while being kind? And might it be true that it is more difficult to apply these principles the closer we are to someone, although you would thing it would be the other way around?

As I get older I realize, you have no where to run. Any advice you receive simply brings you inward, back to your own, back to yourself to that part of you that does not belong to you. It is part of something greater. There is no such thing as advice. Don't ask what you should do, ask what they have done in similar situations. It is shared experience. Take what works for you and leave the rest. We are all teachers; we are all students.

With Grace & Gratitude...