The Void

      For once in my life, a void set in and I didn't make on attempt to fill it.  I thought of all the ways I COULD have filled it eating, pof-ing (for those who don't know what that is, it's an online dating site that is one of my most favorite distractions), drinking, contacting people I had no business contacting.... all of which would have only created more chaos.

       A deep knowingness came over me that this void had a purpose, as with all voids.  Voids create a vacuum effect, it makes space for something new. It is an inkling that something is coming, maybe we should pay more attention, be ready, be open, be grateful. It is NOT our job to fill those voids < that was the clearest of all. It was not my job to fill that void.  Whew, what a fucking relief. It's the universes job to fill that void, and filled it will be. It always is. Without fail, every void we've ever felt has been filled. Sometimes we fill it with stuff that doesn't belong there, thus the feeling of something missing... because we don't know exactly what goes there.... we just don't like it being there so we'll put anything in that hole... drugs, food, sex, gambling, pills, shopping, etc. We are terrified of that empty space inside of us, as if it is going to completely swallow us up, and we are going to die. So, when that void hits, we search for anything to fill it.

     This void has been there since somewhere around 4 days ago. I simply stated, I feel a void. I just keep sitting with it, breathing with it, feeling excitement that something is coming. Maybe it's grace, maybe its growth, maybe its someone or something. Maybe I won't even realize it when it gets here, maybe I'm not suppose to know when it gets filled.... Slowly, and not-so-painfully anymore, I'm realizing that it's okay to not know. My frustrations come from my attempts at trying to figure all the shit out. My confusion comes from my own mind. My suffering comes from my constant grappling at WHATEVER only to find it's just out of my reach or won't fit anyway. Searching for something insinuates movement, when really... what I'm needing is a sacred stillness. How often do we run exhausting every option, thought, searching for answers, seeking for whatever only to find ourselves exhausted and falling into sacred stillness anyway. When we have nothing left and we collapse whether emotionally, mentally, or spiritually?

Voids won't kill us, our attempts at filling them just might though. It's not our job to fill those voids, our job is to acknowledge it and let it be there, let it serve it's purpose... and no, we don't have to know what that is...

Love & Light
Dottie