When Yoga Makes You Angry

"I will not give up... I will stay in this fire...until I am free."

      Yoga isn't always about pretty music, thin bodies, and feelings of peace and euphoria. You don't always flow through each pose with grace and go deeper into a sea of bliss with each movement. Sometimes yoga makes you angry. Angry to the point you want to kick your yoga block, tell the teacher to go fuck herself and leave. Leave your mat where it lay, you can buy another, you've got to GO. Sometimes it's a slow and gradual resistance, other times you're fine until in their softest, most zen voice they utter the one pose that you...just... hate. The pose that requires you to muster every ounce of maturity you have to even attempt it, to even look like you're attempting it.  This happens because there is anger to be felt and anger to be released. It's hiding somewhere within your system unbeknownst to you but becomes a little more apparent with each breath, each subtle movement, and each moment of stillness.

       The yoga studio I frequent has a photo-copied 8x10 paper of a plain black bird in flight with a pale yellow background. There are three of them actually and below each bird is a few words of the sentence. "I will not give up...I will stay in this fire...until I am free." And that's exactly what it is... a fire. A angry burning sensation that seems to come from nowhere, as if your forward fold or dragon pose busted something loose. A fire that erupts from places that seem to have no foundation, no bedrock. No point of reference. Until I am free. Our initial reaction is ALWAYS to retreat, to withdraw quickly and with seemingly good reason. It cannot be good for us if it feels so unpleasant. The mind begins to chatter and race. But this is where you stay. Breathe and watch the mind. What is it showing you? Who is it showing you? What words are you hearing? Are you remembering something someone told you 5 years ago? Are you being taken back to that fight with your significant other from a few days ago? What do you FEEL? Other than the fire, other than the acute desire to flee? Pay attention and breathe. This is the key. Watch it like a movie, stay with it until you are free. Because you are halfway there and if you leave now you leave with the anger only halfway through it's conquest to be released. You leave that anger in your heart, in your mind, in your way... again. Leaving now you leave that anger open to stir up its mate in someone else. So stay with it. Stay with it as it burns itself up in the fire in which it was created; stay with it until you are free.

With Grace & Gratitude