"Never Give Up."

:-/
Never?

Here's the thing. I know deep down in my gut, it wasn't working. It was getting pretty ugly. I watched the same force that drew us together so strongly and intensely, pull us apart. I watched myself carry out subconscious action. Like packing my toothbrush, that was bought for your house. As if I knew intuitively, I wouldn't use it again there. "The one I love" it just doesn't resonate for me anymore, for you. It's done. I know that, but I don't want it to be. And that is what brings me to moments like this. Moments where I can just as easily torture myself, or take a deep breath and remind myself, this is for the best. The best for both of us. No blaming. No shaming. No anger. Just a knowing that this was exactly how it was suppose to be, how it was suppose to begin, & how it was suppose to end. Self control. Trust.

I hate giving up. "To give every lost drop of ourselves." Until I've done that, giving up feels like complete and utter failure, and I refuse to fail. I don't believe in failure. If I give all I can give, I can say it wasn't my fault. I did my part. It frees me from blame from something not working. It's not my fault. I do this because something ending, breaking, or falling apart and being my fault, hits a place within my heart that ... I don't even know, hits hard. To walk away without giving everything I have makes me question my commitment, my strength, my courage. It makes me feel inadequate. I can blame someone else. It's THEIR fault because I was willing, because I admitted I fucked up and was willing to still try. Therefore, it's not my fault. What's so bad about something being my fault? TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. Commitment & reponsibility. Those words have been rumbling around in my head for a couple days.

With Grace & Gratitude...