What do I do with the anger? Why do I feel so much anger?
Seems like there is so much anger bubbling to the surface. I'm nto sure what to do with it. I've conteplated the times in my life when I felt anger and how I expressed it. I'm afraid of my anger. It scares me. What am I so afraid of? That I'm going to hurt someone, including myself. Because I have, so many times before. Seems like few things make sense anymore. The weight things carry are the weight I attach to them. Something inside me tells me that part of this is uneccesary, I am only torturing myself. I pause for a moment to reflect on that. Is it really important to know why everything happens? Can I just allow the anger to bubble and dissipate? But what do I do with it? Who and what am I angry at? I think of Dee, my mother, and my father. I think of how angry my Dad used to make me and how I couldn't show him because then he would get angrier. So I acted like it didn't bother me. I feel like I could be spending this time doing something more valubale like sutdying. But is that me avoiding this subject? Sometimes, I think I'm too smart for my own good. I avoid my uncle like the plague most of the time, especially right now when I have such little money in the bank. I just hought about shifting my focus. As I focus on things healing and going away they will, but what about feeling them and acknowledging them? I feel like I"m driving mysef fucking nuts. There is so little going on in my life right now, and yet I feel like everything is spinning so fast. WTF. Breathe.
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