The truth of what is, will always come forth. It is our resistance of that, which causes the feeling of internal struggle.
How do I feel? Seems to be the question everyone is asking. I feel like I did BEFORE my relapse. Calm, centered, loved, blessed, joyful, grateful... the list goes on. My goals are to remain open and receptive to truth and Love in whichever way it is coming to me. Often in ways I didn't expect it too. In doing so I also open myself to opinions, projections, and perceptions of others. It's like wanting a quarter from each state and 30 people giving me every quarter they have in their pocket. Well, I don't need all of them, I then go through and keep the ones I need, and give the other's away... because those just might be THE quarter that someone else was looking for. I was told last night I need to feel things. I need to feel my dissapointment form my relapse. What if there is no dissappointmen? Yet, we WILL find what we are looking for, so if I spend my time and energy attempting to feel disspointment that may or may not be there.. I will find it... even if it's not associated with my relapse, I could say it is. Denial? No. Not denial. Just total acceptance of a choice I made. I would not tell my best friend to FEEL that pain 2 days after the act. I would say, it's okay... make a different choice today if you'd like. Therefore, that's what I'm telling myself. I have not "lost" anything. I am still a being of Light. Every decision I have ever made has brought me here, to this moment. I am grateful for all that is.
Namaste'
Dottie
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