I can't sleep, for no other reason than I'm just not tired yet. Amos Lee's Violin just came on Pandora <3. Melt my heart why don't ya? I've had difficulty writing the last few days. There's a lot going on inside of me. Growth, healing, change. It's beautiful. But I find myself speechless about it, wanting to savor it. Less focused on me and my life. When the thought to write comes I'd like to make it more general and uplifting instead of this is what happened to me... and yada yada ya. Like instead of going into detail about the circumstances in my life which are bringing me to surrender, how these specific thoughts are coming and going, and how I'm dealing with them; I wanted to make it more general. Take "me" out of the equation a little more, but still provide the words of inspiration and guidance. Guess this is part of the shift, actually, I'm sure of it. I'm becoming acutely aware at the amount of change that has taken place within me and around me. It has stopped me in my tracks in sheer awe too many times to count the last couple weeks. Now that I'm here, I'm not sure what to say. Thinking if I just start, this just might be one of the longest blogs I've ever written, and have very little direction or a clear point, but it will be open, flowing & honest. It will be a peak into this heart of mine made possible by what can be a false sense of intimacy that is this blog. I sat in my kitchen today and thought, I'm much quieter than I've ever admitted too, or allowed myself to be. Stillness has become one of my favorite places to be, and so much of that which I experience during that stillness has become so sacred, I've lost the desire to share it in the usual fashion.
What do I want to see more of in the world? A question I've been asking myself everyday for the last several days. Whatever it is, BE THAT. We are vessels, bringing into the world whatever we choose. Whatever we feel, think, and create in that moment. Every time I choose forgiveness, peace, patience, etc... I'm bring that into the world through me. I think this is what Ghandi meant when he said "Be the change you wish to see in the world" Want peace? Be peaceful. Want Love? Give love. So simple. What do you think the world needs more of? Justice? Understanding? Compassion... then BE that & GIVE that. I also think mother Theresa was right on Ghandi's heels with, "I was once asked why I don't participate in anti-war demonstrations. I said that I will never do that, but as soon as you have a pro-peace rally, I'll be there." She's being the change. Attending an anti-war rally and getting angry and "fighting" war... is still fighting. Want peace? Be peace. Have a peace rally! What are you choosing to focus on RIGHT NOW? Another question, written on an index card next to my computer as a reminder that what I'm focusing on RIGHT NOW is being re-created. It's a chance for me to become aware, ask myself, is this something I want more of in my life? In the world? And if not... choose again. Choose to be the vessel I already am, and bring the change I wish to see into the world. Choice. So simple. It's impossible to think about two separate things at once, and it takes practice to hold that positive thought for more than a fleeting second, especially if you've spent your entire life bathing in worry & fear in your own mind, like I have.... but it's okay. You can start, RIGHT NOW. And practice. This practice will teach you far more than what you will have initially thought or sought after. You will learn things about yourself you never new existed, and may even meet yourself for the first time, ever. What am I focusing on right now? Joy. A deep cleansing breath.... and nothing. There will come a point when there is no thought, just a feeling. A vibration that seems to move through you. You can't necessarily name it, but it's good, and you know the world needs it... so you just let it be. There will come a time, when being ANYWHERE but right here, in this moment will be utterly exhausting and intolerable. A weird phrase I've been reciting as a reminder for myself is "Don't do, get moved through." Meaning... stop doing... let things move through you. And yes, sometimes when things are moving through you, you get carried along with and take action, guided action. The kind of action that is steady and a tad illusive, as if you're NOT entirely sure why you are doing what your doing, but you KNOW its okay.
Every thought is planting a seed, which will grow later. Every experience you create in your mind, will create in your life. The "outside" is simply a reflection of what's "inside." What do you see? Use your life as a road map back in, to yourself. What are you creating? Because yes, you are creating... every single bit of it. Each moment will replicate itself. Watch, listen, & feel... create moments, you wish to be replicated. Everything I do to you or for you, I'm doing to and for myself and everyone else. Our belief we are separate from one another, is nothing but a big cosmic joke.. and the joke's on us.
Listen.
Love & Light,
Dottie
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