The Pull

Last night I felt in every cell of my body the way I felt when I left for Michigan, when I left AA... that feeling of I have NO IDEA what is ahead of me and terrified doesn't begin to describe how I feel, but the pull is so strong to go there, I would collapse in exhaustion trying to fight it. That undeniable feeling that you ARE stepping into the unknown. Releasing the need to know, understand, predict, or control... I am left with a screaming child-like ego jumping up and down saying, "But this is not what I want!!! I want X, Y, Z and A, B, & C too!" When in truth it has no idea what it wants, but more is always acceptable. That statement makes me shake my head, but it is oh so true. The ego's wants are bottomless, nothing is ever enough. But now what? Want to stop wanting?!?! There's vicious cycle going nowhere. Trust the constant, the quiet, the slow.