I have been antsy for the last several hours. I asked the question last night why was I overweight. My answer was this: What part of you is being disowned? Control your anger, restrain your impulses, keep your faith firm. Start with that which is the hardest and work towards that which is easiest.
I read those words and I am immediately quieted, my thoughts, my surroundings; it all falls quiet. I sit in the stillness I have avoided for the last several hours. What is the hardest part? What is being disowned? There is a sense of togetherness that arises. A sense of interdependence. Family. My roots. Is that what is being disowned? My past. My history. The impact others have had on the person I am today. The importance of such people. The grace and the gratitude for love shared and love lost.
My emotional self comes to mind when I ask myself what part of me is being disowned. Then my attention is brought to the areas on my physical body where I carry the most weight. My waist, just below my waist, but not my hips. As if the bottom two chakra energies are literally pouring over and out because I refuse to let them come up, as if the sensations alone would be to much. Would I be able to handle them? Control your anger. Restrain your impulses. Keep your faith firm.
I asked myself today what did I believe in. What do I really believe in? I do believe everything happens for a reason. There is a Divine orchestration that does require my active attention and participation to bring about its best performance. Free will.
The hardest part is being part of something bigger. Being open and interdependent.
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