Inner Explorations

"Be impeccable with your word."

That phrase has rolled around in my head for almost a week. The first two days it was quite strong. Be impeccable with your word. That is one of the four agreements, which I read almost 4 years ago. I pay attention to repetitive things, with intentions of becoming more conscious and hopes of learning lessons before they become so loud and obvious they are causing chaos in my life trying to get my attention. On the most superficial, most obvious level, I have a hard time keeping my word, and often avoid making plans because I know the likely hood of me sticking to them are slim. Me saying I will do something, or go somewhere doesn't mean shit to a lot of people because they have known me long enough to know that it's more surprising when I actually do follow through on things. Granted this is something I've been working on for a while and I have made some progress, but I know there is still work to do. And when that small, still voice whispers the same line over and over again, I tend to take some extra time out and check in with myself, and that voice. I find it absolutely fascinating to watch how the universe tries to get our attention, and what we can find out with a little bit of willingness to see.

When I am not impeccable with my word a spiral begins, the most immediate is feelings of guilt, shame, and anger. And who handles those well?? Which cause me to avoid people and try to ignore those feelings. This is where forgiveness should play a part, but it's much harder to forgive yourself or ask for forgiveness when you know, it will most likely happen again. Apologizing is worthless without intentions to change. So if forgiveness doesn't happen, we try ignore it, or justify it. Which usually ends me up in the middle of my favorite comfort food, which always makes me ask, "Why are you really eating this Dot?"  I've also been doing a lot of coughing and throat clearing the last week or so, which tells me something is clearing out of my throat chakra, something with voice and or communication. Then after yoga the other day a friend told me how she had been having throat issues and said she was okay with it because things were clearing for her as well in the area of "self expression." AH. Things are really starting to come together at this point. I feel like I"m rambling, and this isn't where I thought this was going here at 7am on a Friday morning, fuck. Simply a desire to express myself, I suppose, writing has always offered me greater insight, and I offer it to others in hopes of allowing them the same.Today it does feel a little choppy though and all over the place, but apparently that's where I'm at with this whole voicing, expressing, saying things I mean, and holding to what I say. Opening ourselves to others and saying here's where I'm at and what I'm struggling with, allows them to open as well. It brings us together in a way of gentleness and compassion.... back to my original thought, that brought us all here... on a deeper, less superficial level, being impeccable with my word just doesn't effect my relationship with other people, it effects my relationship with myself. It causes a discord between my conscious mind and my higher self, it creates obstacles in achieving my goals and a mistrust within myself. The relationship we have with ourselves is the most important relationship we will ever have, because that relationship is with God. We are God, together we make the God consciousness. Loving each other, and loving every part of ourselves is how we will create and transcend these times of turmoil both in our inner and outer worlds. Because God is Love, and Love is what heals. And here we are, as always, back at the source.

With Grace and Gratitude...