Opening Your Heart to the World Doesn't Feel Good, at First.

I have spent the majority of my last several weeks opening my eyes. For most of my life, I have been an "out of sight, out of mind" kind of person. The world, was too much for me to take in. As much as I talked about focusing on love, and love being the only thing thing that's real, I, on some level, only saw sadness when I looked out into the world, although that realization was a slow coming to consciousness.

Being open is raw. It's sad, utterly heartbreaking at times. To finally look up from my own adversities, my own story, and those closest to me, to see the world around me, is sobering. And this is just the beginning. This is through the lens of the computer screen. I have not even seen half of these things up close. I have not seen a 3 year old girl free herself from the hand of sex traffickers, watched women get castrated, animals tortured and beaten to death, children starving, adults freezing to death, or someone beaten do death due to their skin color or sexual orientation. I've not sat next to a women in an abortion clinic as she bleeds into an open pad, where thousands have sat before. Nor have I seen modern day enslavement. But these things exist, all these things.

There are days I feel inspired and others I wish to hide. To crawl back into my hole, and put my blinders on. There are days I fill my head and my day with busy work and claim to not have enough time to read, write, to investigate and ask the hard questions. But that doesn't eradicate the knowledge that is now part of my awareness database, it does not stop the effects it has on my subconscious to do something. It only adds to the restlessness that will manifest itself irresponsibly and dramatically if I do not take a moment to listen. Listening is hard sometimes, and I don't mean that superficially or humorously. It's hard because sometimes peoples experiences invoke so much emotion, I physically and emotionally feel I cannot handle it. I can't process and absorb the words being shared. There was one particular piece about a woman's experience in an abortion clinic that took 3 breaks for me to get through. The tears poured; I sobbed. And I've never even had an abortion! She wrote her experience so well, I not only felt I was walking in her shoes, I felt as if I owned them.

So here I am.

Sitting in my favorite Biggby cafe, with four tabs open on my web browser, debating a second cinnamon spice latte and where I can be most helpful in creating positive change in our world.

"What breaks your heart about the world? Act on that." ~ Angela Maiers

With Grace & Gratitude...