Pain & Music

MAYBE, I should actually write these blogs when the inspiration initially hits. I've been inspired to write this blog for ATLEAST 4 days now, and now that I'm here, It's taking me a few moments to gather the tid-bits of clarity and moments of definition & explanation leading me, here. And this is not the first time it's happened... so here goes...

I've spent the last probably 2 weeks, listening and watching as it became apparent to me the universe was very delicately revealing to me insight into people's relation and perception of pain and it's tie to music, including my own. I was walking on the treadmill the other day and hit shuffle on my media player only to hear song after song of this sense of longing and sadness, I thought, "My god! Was I really that sad?!?!" flashing me back to moments of blaring the song driving down the road because an ex couldn't give me what I wanted or lying on my bedroom floor sobbing with the same song on repeat flailing about in my broken heartedness. Almost every single song had a tie to a particular person or situation which I instantly began to re-live on some level within the first 10 seconds. So why do this to myself? Why do we do this to ourselves? We put so much emphasize on music and our mood and it's accuracy in depicting what we're feeling or where we've been, and it seems the more painful, the more we can relate. And yet, they are some of our "favorite" songs??? It seemed so simple and so silly to me. Apparently on some level I was still holding on to some of that pain. It was hiding, but was still there lingering. It seems so silly to me because the freedom I've created for myself over the last 5 years has lead me to a life I truly enjoy every moment of every day. I am finally content. So I went through and  deleted over 90 songs, songs that took me to places, I simply didn't want to go anymore.

We all do this. We use music as a vessel to take us back to various places, if we are taking ourselves back to to place of pain we need to ask ourselves why? For some of us, pain has become a centralized theme in our lives and we find it comforting and normal. But its up to us to break that pattern, to logically understand that we have built a relationship with pain that no longer needs to be there, and create new behaviors that will in turn lead to new thoughts, new habits, and a life where pain doesn't have to be present for us to feel comfortable. It's a process, and it takes courage and willingness to go into the unknown. I believe everyone can change, everything changes all the time. People are no exception. So if you find yourself re-living pain through music, start small... choose a new favorite song. One that inspires you, that uplifts you, one that reflects the life you want, not the one you've had.

With Grace & Gratitude....